Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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