She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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