I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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