Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
