I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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