but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
