My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
