It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
