in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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