he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
