I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
