I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
