Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
