a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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