I'm lost and stupid without you.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
