My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
