I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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