Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We are two peas in an std pod
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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