he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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