Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
