loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
