somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
