I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
