I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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