I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
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New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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