Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
