there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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