dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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