I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
