PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you would pick up someone in the library
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
