so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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