I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
