Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
you never un-have a 4some
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
