i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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