i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
