Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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