just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm too high and old for this...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
