My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Randomize
