i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
