my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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