I'm gonna have a badass scar
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
