So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
