I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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