Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
