we have pet lesbian snakes
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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