i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
