Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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