My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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