hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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