either way he was missing a nipple.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
