do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
