The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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