Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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