so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
