you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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