he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
