I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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