I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
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Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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