mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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