WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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