And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
