and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
