So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
