This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
